I Ate My Willpower

No lie. I did eat my willpower.

It was yummy.

So yummy that I have this sign hanging prominently in my kitchen to let everyone know that it's gone, so don't be looking for it.

I don't diet, I have never dieted, and I don't see myself ever dieting in the future.

Even though my butt is ginormous.

Really.

Now I'm not one of those people that exclaims to all the world that big is beautiful or that I'm happy with my size and I'm never gonna change or anything like that.

The truth is, I'm not comfortable with my size and I do want to trim up a bit.

Yes, that's right. I weigh ONE HUNDRED AND-OH-CRAP.

Can you believe that? And I'm 5'3/4" so every pound is like, out there.

Ever since I was a child, I used to scare my family with my ability to put food away. Tomatoes were a particular passion of mine.

And I once had a friend tell me that I ate like a garbage can. Although, I prefer to say I eat enthusiastically. She was a little harsh.

On our first date, Peanut Head took me to dinner and I told him up front, because I like honesty in a relationship, that I was not one of those girls who pushed her food around on her plate. I was going to eat, by dang it, and I hoped he was prepared for it.

Then he took me home and introduced me to his mom, The Barefoot Contessa, and angels sang.

The problem really, is that I approach eating like everything else I do.

Compulsively.

There's a five pound bag of M&Ms in the house? Well let's get it out of here, chop chop, so we can start eating right!

Then I tear into it and eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner until it's gone.

Which is why I gain weight in five pound increments, not a pound here and a pound there like most normal people.

That being said, I have this chin-up bar that I've threatened, and I won't be able to reach the summit with all the excess poundage I'm trying to hoist up to it.

In fact, last night after working so hard for that millimeter, my triceps were quivering so violently that I could hardly type my post for the next day.

So something has to change.

Since I don't engage in birdy type eating, I'm going to have to control my portion sizes. [shudder]

Clearly I'm going to have to combine this foreign idea of portion control with exercise.

I don't mind exercise though, as long as nobody expects me to do it in the morning. I don't bend well in the morning.

And exercise in the morning makes me cranky and irritable.

So, my plan is to change my lifestyle really. Chill out on my life-is-a-buffet mindset, and get moving again.

I know, it's pretty drastic, but it's the only way I see out of this predicament. If I don't get down to ONE HUNDRED AND-THAT'S-BETTER, then I won't be able to get up to that nasty little chin-up bar.

And I am a tad bit competitive, so . . . here I go.

My plan is to post a video of myself as I reach the summit of Mount Chin-Up Bar, so stay posted. I'd post a before video but really there's nothing to see in the way of movement, and what you can see? Well . . . it's just ugly.