The Tooth Fairy is a BONEHEAD!!!

I'm thinking I might have to fire our Tooth Fairy.

I know you're dying to know why, so bear with me as I windingly tell you.

Last week Stinkerbell lost her first tooth. Exciting times for a five-year old, let me tell you.

Thing 1 is not at all happy about this, because she only lost her first tooth a year ago and she's two years older than her sister.

It's good to learn young that life isn't fair, don't you think?

So, first tooth gone last week, second tooth yanked out by The Stink Sunday evening. I think she likes the idea of trading her teeth for money. A little bit disturbing, eh?

This morning I was getting Thing 1 off to school and Stinkerbell wasn't awake yet because she has afternoon Kindergarten. She wouldn't be up for hours because she is not a morning person.

Thing 1 was frantic and she rushes out to tell me that the Tooth Fairy didn't take her sister's tooth or leave her any money.

OH CRAP!!!!!!

My thoughts were racing. I was thinking I had to get Thing 1 out the door so I could rectify the situation.

But then I realized that, no, I couldn't plant the goods because sisters talk and then I would surely be busted.

Dang it! What to do? What to do?

Okay. Wait. Stinkerbell wasn't in her own room last night because she snuck in to sleep with her sister. Oh, I feel a consequence coming on.

A teachable moment.

I LOVE teachable moments . . . I get to be right. Oh goody.

Look at that! I'm saved. See it? See it?

That's the tooth.

On her sister's nightstand.

Not where it's supposed to be.

Not under her pillow.

Yes! Yes! Yes! I run to write the note you see at the beginning of this post, trying so hard not to write like myself.

When Stinkerbell gets up I take her to her room to explain about the consequence and show her the note. She doesn't freak out because that is so not her style.

She looks at me as if to say "What-EV. Big deal."

She understood completely why she didn't get paid.

Except she wanted to know why the Tooth Fairy didn't come looking for her since we have two kid bedrooms. I blubbered a little bit and then changed the subject

Whew! I am so lucky.

Look, no bottom teeth.

Stinkerbell tells me she can fit a suitcase in there.

I don't know what she's talking about. Sometimes it's easier just to not ask the questions and act like it makes perfectly good sense.

Stinkerbell decided she needed to write a note to the Tooth Fairy since she appears to be so thick.

Okay. I deserved that, I guess.

Dear Tooth Fairy,

My tooth is under my pillow.

Love,

Annika

At least Stinkerbell didn't chastise her. I don't know if I could have taken that.

Stinkerbell even drew a little picture for her. With labels because she didn't think the Tooth Fairy would know what the picture was.

Because she's so stupid.

You and a horse it says.

At least not a horse's butt. We're doing okay here.

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I like to mess with my kids. They got notes from Santa last year too.

Zoe Bug,

I've been watching you and I want you to work on not whining so much and freaking out. Like your Mama says, "Chill girl."

Love,

Santa

And just in case Stinkerbell was ready to laugh at her sister.

Annika,

I've been watching you too, and I want you to stop chewing on your hair and pushing Zoe's buttons. I don't want to have to put you on the BB&G List. Be Good!

Love,

Santa

I have to tell you, at first I didn't think these made any impact at all. They both seemed to not care. After all, they still had the mother lode of gifts at their feet, how bad could it be?

Then later that week I overheard Thing 1 telling her friend in a whisper voice "We got letters from Santa. When I woke up and found mine, I got a little tear in my eye and I almost started to cry."

That just broke my heart a teeny little bit.

But I'm recovered now. Obviously.

And if you liked this, you might enjoy reading about the box of rocks for brains that is our Easter Bunny.